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Hearts at Home
Lately, my black dresses have gotten more of a workout than I would like. I have attended 2 funerals within a month and will most likely be attending another one within the next several weeks or months. The first funeral was for my grandmother who was 91 years old. She gave me my first bath and I held her hand as she took her last breath. We were not expecting her death to come as quickly as it did, but her health and her mind had been deteriorating over the years. The second funeral was for a friend of mine who would have been 53 this week. Her death took me completely by surprise and left me with guilt, regret and a call to action. I call her a dear friend, even though we had not seen each others in years, so I did not know that her breast cancer from 8 years ago had come back with a vengeance. She had been on my mind, but everyday life had taken priority over catching up with a friend, and I was left with saying good-bye to a casket.
When you go to a funeral there is the usual looking back at the person's life. What they did, what was important to them, whose lives they touched. It gives one cause to examine your own life and wonder what sort of impact you are making on the world around you. We can get caught up in all we haven't done or relive past victories, but both robs us of today. We can also get caught up in what we like about ourselves or what we don't like about ourselves, but neither one really embraces all of who we are. None of us are perfect, but we all have a special place in the world. We all have our own unique set of gifts, quirks and challenges, that make us perfectly suited for what God wants us to do. And chances are we are uniquely suited to touch someone's life in just the way they needed it. We may or may not know how many lives we touch or how deeply, but we can do our best to love ourselves and therefore love others around us deeper. We cannot give away what we do not have, so the more we love our own uniqueness, the better we can love and appreciate others.
I still have a long way to go, but I am having a few more moments where I realize I'm a pretty cool person. And I'm learning to shorten the times for my pity parties. (Don't want to shorten too much though since I'm vertically challenged, but that means I can wear sassy heels!)
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Love? Your Struggles
Welcome to the Third Thursday Bog Hop with Hearts at Home!http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/jillsavage/hlLQ/~3/ETVEsgsFuas/
Hmmm. Love Your Struggles, huh? I've read the scripture about "being thankful in all circumstances", but it is usually followed quickly with some disclaimer about "that doesn't mean you have to be thankful for the circumstance." It seems perfectly acceptable to grin and bear it while gritting your teeth, as long as we can find some silver lining or thank God we aren't as bad off as someone else. I can live quite comfortably with that, even though not always very happy.
But lately, I have been challenged to "take it up a notch". Through several Bible Studies, things I've read, listened to or just felt in my heart, God wants me to see and embrace the beauty in those less than pretty places of my life.
I have dealt with depression to varying degrees for many years, which is terrifying to admit in a public forum such as the internet, in large part because most people I know around town wouldn't believe it. They see me as such a happy, positive person who has everything going for her. I have worked hard for that reputation and put on my happy face when my insides were churning, but it has come with a price. I have a very nicely decorated pit where I go all alone, because "what would people think if they really knew?"
Lately, though, I have invited a few people in and started some redecorating. Part of the redecorating is realizing that my depression causes me to lean on God more. Whatever the cause is at the time, be it hormonal, chemical, bad attitude, hunger, sleep deprivation, fight with spouse or simply that the rings of Saturn didn't line up that morning, I have turned to God. I've come to thank Him for those moments and pray I will continue to draw closer to Him. I still have moments where I am far from grateful, but I also have more moments of genuine joy.
I have also learned to be a little easier on myself. I still have a long way to go, but I'm getting better at focusing on how far I've come. I have so many other things that I struggle with, but I also know that many other people struggle with some of the same things. I dream of a day when my struggles can help encourage others, especially moms. Even while I flop around with "my act" scattered in a thousand different directions, maybe I can encourage someone else to enjoy their zig zagged path through life a little more and love themselves more.
Hmmm. Love Your Struggles, huh? I've read the scripture about "being thankful in all circumstances", but it is usually followed quickly with some disclaimer about "that doesn't mean you have to be thankful for the circumstance." It seems perfectly acceptable to grin and bear it while gritting your teeth, as long as we can find some silver lining or thank God we aren't as bad off as someone else. I can live quite comfortably with that, even though not always very happy.
But lately, I have been challenged to "take it up a notch". Through several Bible Studies, things I've read, listened to or just felt in my heart, God wants me to see and embrace the beauty in those less than pretty places of my life.
I have dealt with depression to varying degrees for many years, which is terrifying to admit in a public forum such as the internet, in large part because most people I know around town wouldn't believe it. They see me as such a happy, positive person who has everything going for her. I have worked hard for that reputation and put on my happy face when my insides were churning, but it has come with a price. I have a very nicely decorated pit where I go all alone, because "what would people think if they really knew?"
Lately, though, I have invited a few people in and started some redecorating. Part of the redecorating is realizing that my depression causes me to lean on God more. Whatever the cause is at the time, be it hormonal, chemical, bad attitude, hunger, sleep deprivation, fight with spouse or simply that the rings of Saturn didn't line up that morning, I have turned to God. I've come to thank Him for those moments and pray I will continue to draw closer to Him. I still have moments where I am far from grateful, but I also have more moments of genuine joy.
I have also learned to be a little easier on myself. I still have a long way to go, but I'm getting better at focusing on how far I've come. I have so many other things that I struggle with, but I also know that many other people struggle with some of the same things. I dream of a day when my struggles can help encourage others, especially moms. Even while I flop around with "my act" scattered in a thousand different directions, maybe I can encourage someone else to enjoy their zig zagged path through life a little more and love themselves more.
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