Why is it that even after over 17 years of experience, I can still feel clueless as a mom? After several years of doing other jobs, most people atleast feel competent, if not close to comfortable or maybe even expert. Somehow motherhood does not work the same way.
I love my kids and they are good kids, normal, but good overall. Every now and again I start feeling like I am doing okay, and then it happens.... Maybe God thinks I am getting prideful and need some humility or maybe my kids want to keep me on my toes, but something new comes up and I am dumbfounded again, feeling like a complete idiot and nominated for the Worst Mom Award.
I want so much to be a great mom and raise confident, independent young adults. I want to be able to handle situations with such grace and wisdom that my kids and husband will sing my praises. Then I get out of bed or the kids come home from school and reality strikes. Interesting thing is, those things I struggle with myself (weakness, issues, flaws...), bug me the most when I see them in my kids. Logically one would think if I have not "gotten the hang of it" after 29+ years (no I am not sharing the actual years), I would be understanding and patient with my kids. Oh no, just the opposite. I want to scream, smack them and shake them and say "Get rid of this NOW! You don't want to deal with this when you are older!!!"
I still want to be a great mom, but I am getting better at forgiving myself for blowing it. After all, I have had A LOT of practice blowing it. Then I remember a phrase I learned early on in my mothering. I will trust God to fill in the gaps where I mess up, because I will mess up. Someone else said the other day "If Iwere normal, my kids would have no character."
Maybe when I am a grandma I will feel a little more competent as a mom, but until then I will keep doing my best and praying that God will fill in the gaps.
P.S. The book No More Perfect Moms will be great anytime, but you get lots of extra freebies when you order Feb 4-9.
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