Weeds

I have been spending quite a bit of time outside lately working in the yard.  The weather is nice and I just don't want to be inside, despite all that needs to get done there, too.  But, that's for another day.
One of the things I've been spending the most time on is weeding.  Ever notice that it's never done?  I can get a flower bed all weeded and looking great and then just a few days later, those pesky things are back!  I got to thinking about how weeds are like bad habits and thoughts.  Some of my flower beds are very simple and if there is a weed, it is easy to spot and grab.  The flower beds around the pool have a ground cover vine that I want and some other flowers, but I don't want to clover and grass.  These flower beds are much more tedious to weed.  Sometimes I feel I need tweezers.  The grass and clover grow amongst the vine so I have to be very careful.  I can't just whack at them with a big hoe or my 3-prong claw, cause I'll lose some vine as well.
I have all sorts of bad habits and less than desirable thought that pop up in my head at any given time.  Some of them are pretty obvious and easy to catch and only a minor nuisance.  Others are like that insidious grass that has deep roots and sends runners everywhere.  Even when it looks like I got it all, it creeps back sooner than I'd like.  Just like some of my thoughts.  I think I've weeded it out, replaced it with truth (the negative tapes that play in my head about never being good enough are lies after all.  They just happen to be believable lies and paralyzing at times.), and then something happens and it starts playing all over again.  So I have to get the gloves out again and start weeding all over again.
Fortunately, when you look at some of the flower beds from a distance, they look great.  It's only when you get up close that you notice the weeds.  I pray that I can look good and be a positive influence on those around be despite some of the weeds in my life.  Meanwhile I'll just keep weeding away as best I can.

Be still

I am frequently reading devotions, books, articles, etc. and will often be inspired by the stories of lessons learned in the everyday events of life.  One day I remember thinking "I wish I could have a story like that."  You know when you have a pity party for yourself when everyone else seems to have inspired wisdom from a flower and all you can think is "what color was that?"  Or half the time I'm running around so fast, I couldn't even remember seeing a flower.  That's when a still, small voice said, "If you would slow down enough to listen, you might learn all sorts of things."  Hmmm.  There's a thought.  I see nature coming to life all around me, since it's spring now, and have activities seemingly every minute, but I don't always take the time to savor them, enjoy them and learn from them.  I run around like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off, frantically trying to scratch one more thing off of my list, and then get upset that I don't have some life-altering revelation over a bumblebee.  Go figure.  I certainly have a long way to go, but I have tried to listen a little more and marveled at the incredible rainbow the other day.  It really was beautiful.

The Maze

     Have you ever felt like you were caught in a maze?  You are trying to navigate the best you can through life and make good decisions, but you really don't know what lies around the next corner and if you should go left or right sometimes.  I feel like the mouse in the maze frequently, however my sense of smell is not keen enough to smell the cheese at the exit.  I will stop at the intersection and stare at the choices, agonizing over which is the best one, debating the merits, trying to forsee the future consequences, ultimately becoming frozen, "paralysis by analysis".
     I know what I would tell someone else in this situation.  I would tell them to do the best they could and make a decision.  Even if they hit a dead end, they can enjoy the scenery and learn some lessons along the way.  Perhaps the lessons they learn will help them in the future, maybe it will help others.  It isn't necessarily the "wrong" direction if the path they take has some detours or back tracks.  Life is a journey, not a destination.  Enjoy life to the fullest!
     But will I take my own advice?  Of course not!  Because I want to be perfect.  I don't want to waste time back tracking.  I want a map.  I want some cosmic map that tells me exactly what the best direction is going to be, what the outcome will be, how long it will take, and what it will look like.  That way I can take the quickest, easiest, most pain-free route that will also yield the most effective and abundant results.      
     Unfortunately, I have yet to find that map.  And what's more is ...the more experience I have and the more I learn, the more I realize life wouldn't be as full with one.  Life is still going to be a maze at times with some dead ends, detours, heartaches and bumps.  But it can also be a great adventure with fun, friends, family, lovely memories and breath-taking scenery.  We can pray, listen to our gut, learn from others and then do the best we can with the information we have.  Just keep moving and enjoy the journey.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  There is such celebration, excitement and anticipation in those words.  There is something about a new year that holds so much promise.  Gives us the motivation to start something new and the determination that THIS time it will be different.  New year resolutions are positive, encouraging.  No one resolves to get sick, gain weight, destroy a relationship, trash a house or hurt a friend.  We always look forward to getting healthy, starting a good habit, maybe stricking out in a new direction which is scary, but somehow holds more promise at the beginning of the year than it did in September.  The new year is pictured as a baby, cute, new, fresh, full of all sorts of wonderful experiences ahead.  Of course, those of us who have had babies remember they also come with sleep-deprivation, dirty diapers, spit up and crying sometimes.  Which years frequently come with their own issues as well.  By the end of the year, we can definitely relate to the old, bent-over, wrinkled Father time.  Some years are more like the seasoned grandfather-type though.  Lots of experience and not fresh like a newborn baby (sleeping with a clean diaper), but fun, loving and full of fond memories.  I have had both and once again look forward to this new year.  I am hopeful for positive growth in me as a woman, a wife and a mother.  I am hopeful for my children, my family and my friends.  I want so many good things for them. 
I am so grateful, too, that I don't always have to wait for a new year to have a new start.  With the new year, I have thought how God always grants us a fresh start, not only each year, but each month, each week, each day and each moment we come to Him.  I pray, we will remember to come to Him every time we need a new start, whether it be a habit, conversation, attitude, career or relationship.
Blessings for a new beginning.

Balance-The Scale

Yes, balance is a big thing for me.  I haven't been doing a good job of it lately, or I would have posted something new much sooner.  Fortunately, I think that is part of life and the balance of it.
One of my first AhhHaa! moments on balance was the scale that now sits on the antique piano in our living room.  I received it years ago from my sister-in-law.  We went to an old house of hers that she needed to clean out and looked around to see if there was anything there that we needed or wanted.  My husband and I were newly married so we hadn't collected nearly as much as we have now.  She was very kind to let us have several items including this scale.  There was no practical purpose for the scale, I just thought it was pretty and elegant-looking.  Something you might see on a tour of a historic home.   It stands about 18 inches high and is an antique gold color with ornate designs, cut glass plates hanging from either arm of the scale and crystals hanging from the center.  One day, while spending some quiet time in the living room, feeling overwhelmed with life, I looked at the scale.  When the scale is balanced, the center section and the arms form a cross.  I had looked at the scale many times over the years, but never had the revelation I had that day.  When I put God in charge of my life, He is strong enough to keep my life in balance.  Whenever things get a little tilted, off kilter and out of whack, it's usually because I've tried to be the center and I can't hold it all up.  When I put God back at the center, things work out much better.
I still have a long way to go, and I'm sure I'll try to take over the center again sometime (maybe tomorrow), but atleast I'm doing better than I was.  Meanwhile, when all the activities, to do lists and stuff in life are swirling around and threatening to drown me, I look at my scale, take a deep breath and say a quick prayer.

Balance, The tightrope walker

One of the big words in my life is balance.  Not that I feel I have acheived it by any stretch of the imagination.  I had a friend over today and spent half the time running the kids to school because of a delay and then a teacher conference.  Good thing she still loves me no matter what.  That will be a blog for another day.
As I think about balance, I have the image of a tightrope walker.  They are usually trying to get from point A to point B on a narrow path.  We seldom have the luxury of a wide path in life.  There are many things that can distract us and always something to do.  But more importantly, the tightrope walker always keeps moving.  They don't stand still.  They keep putting one foot in front of the other and have something to help them balance, like a pole.  They are constantly shifting their weight or the weight of the pole to stay safely on the rope.  I have watched tightrope walkers at the circus and they are amazing.  If you notice though, they are rarely, if ever, completely still for an extended period of time.  How much like life! 
At one point I thought balance in my life would be just the right amount of activity and relaxation, with time to accomplish great things and enjoy quality time with my friends and family.  It would flow easily with little to no stress and then I could just coast.  Then I woke up!  More and more I am realizing that balance is a constant shifting of priorities, activities, people, etc. Life doesn't stay still and neither can I.  Thank God for the safety net of friends and family when things do get off balance and you are headed for a big splatt on the ground.
So keep moving, keep shifting and enjoy the view!

Saying No

     Saying "no" is not usually easy for me, unless  it is my kids asking for money or a telemarketer, and even then I try to be nice about it.  But I actually said no to a couple of things this week and an amazing thing happened...nothing, really!  The sky didn't fall, no lightning struck me down, my family didn't disown me.  I didn't like it, the other people sounded a little sad or disappointed, and I was uncomfortable, but I was also relieved.  As much as I didn't like it, I know inside it was the right decision for me now.
    
     There is a tremendous freedom and strength in recognizing what is best for you and then standing up for it.  Too many times I have let other people and situations push me into doing what wasn't best for me.  I'm not talking about drugs or even something "bad".  It can be a very good cause, helping this person, giving to this group, but somewhere deep in your gut it doesn't feel quite right, you are doing it for the wrong reasons and you know it.  Even if you won't admit it.

     Now before someone goes way off in one direction, there is a balance to things.  Sometimes we do need to "go with the flow", "deal with it", etc. etc.  We simply cannot control everyone and everything around us.  All we can control is our own attitude and behavior.  We cannot allow our feelings to rule our lives, they are much too fickle little buggers, but we also can't stuff them and pretend they aren't there.  God gave us feelings for a reason and we should listen to what they are saying.  We just don't always have to act on them.  I love my kids.  They really are great kids and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them so they can be happy, healthy adults one day.  On some days that is taking them to the coffee shop for some special one on one time, some days it's snuggling on the couch, I love giving gifts and some days it is resisting the urge to strangle them until their eyes pop eye and grounding them until they're 30!  (You know the days when they are especially independant and vocal, trying to see which combination of last nerve buttons will get the biggest reaction.)

     There is very little danger in my getting too carried away with the "no" thing.  I like being busy, for the most party.  I enjoy helping people, being involved in different activities and getting out of the house.  There is a time to say yes, and I've known there is a time to say no.  I'm just finally putting it into practice.